this person. hmmm. well. to describe this person, id say that this person meant a lot to me. and still does. technically it was them, but they didnt even know half the time that they were causing me pain. i guess thats y it hurt more-the fact that they didnt even know they were doing it. i know that i was purposely pushing the fact that i was in pain, away. because i didnt wanna make wat was happening any more harder than it already was. god, ive changed on the inside so much since that. that person, did things, said little things that to me, was just painful to watch. this is hard to describe without actually saying what it was lol at times i told myself to stop being ridiculous and stand up for myself like the obvious thing to do. the way they acted around people and to me, wouldn't have meant much to most people, but i thought i could trust that person. now that i think about it, that person didnt give me the respect i think i deserved back then. and i say that confidentally, not sounding vain because i know fully that its true. that person took me for granted one too many times, even unconsciously or subtly, but hey when someone takes you for granted like that, u notice. they didnt do things that could be called 'mean' but just stuff that made my self confidence fall so much. while i knew this person, stuff just kept coming and information was flowing in from all sides. someone i hardly even knew told me something that just made me want to fall apart for a while. the mountain of reasons why i 'highly disliked' this person just kept piling up and it was pretty shaky. logically, if u keep piling something up like that it will fall and break. and ye it broke.
It broke hard, i remember one particular afternoon and what happened. There were other people who tried to be there for me and I thank them for trying. It was so much better that I had people there for me than just sitting there alone.
The one that broke my heart the hardest eh…well its hard to categorize it like that cos when I think of hearts breaking, I think of love and boy meets girl, but im not sure it was exactly like that? Lol ye…of course I do blame that person for what happened but nothing is never 100% one sided, so I was at fault too. One gud thing I can say that happened from this was that it taught me some pretty important lessons and it was definitely a learning experience.
The point is. Im not gonna forget this. Who knows, theres prob gonna be someone in the future who does something worse and they can claim the title and this person will be set free. If uve never had ur so called ‘heart broken’ then you rlly are lucky. Cos man it sucks lol not to sound corny, but I was in pain for a while and it just feels like…I guess it wasn’t heart break then cos it didn’t feel like what ppl say-like ur entire body is about to collapse and you cant sleep or face it properly. Still it was as if there was a permanent weight on ur conscience that u know wont go away and it slowly starts making everything negative-sometimes all I wanted to do was hold something tight and lie on my bed. Lol it sounds pretty pathetic if u haven’t felt it or seen it but trust me ull know what im talking about when it happens to you. I hope it doesn’t tho <3
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